Well Well Well the time has come for one to join the digital world and publish my most ultimate dreams, desire and wishes to the world. This is the first of a series of Blogs by yours truly that will be written once a week every Sunday on whats happening in my life/ goats funnies ( i can see a large portion devoted to just goat). What a year it has been so far. where to start off.
I began the year ( actually December) as a budding young metalllllarrgy. metttalllggy. metallurgist just finishing his second year of university ( 4th actual year). faced with a myriad of job offers coming from all the big guns ( you know microsoft, cocacola, Virgin) to run their shenanigans over the summer break. Having to turn down bill and richard was hard, but instead i elected to pack up my shit, move my arse out of home and take a lowly grunt position with barrick in the ever green Kalgoorlie ( Koolgoorlie as i like to call it). My place of residence was to be the Agricola concentration camp run by the supreme fuhrer Bitler.
I drove to paradise with all my worldly possessions in tow. Upon my arrival the turning of the key opened up my little piece of home, MY LUNCHBOX. Not big enough to hold an ant fight in.
I worked for the summer slaving for a wage to survive. During my summer "Vacation" I met people ( names withheld due to goat and his up and coming court case with the AFP) such as the Rat, Felecia, Alco. A home brew was started and tasted. Many a night were spent gassin in the local pubs ( of which i have become familiar) and having to get up for work at 4am the next day a little hazy from the night before.
Then the time came to head back to good old uni. You know hit the books. little did i know of the semester to come. Upon the arrival of fellow neighbours ready for the semester, names were exchanged and first impressions evaluated in the party hall of O'connor. One person of notoriety had come the my attention. THE GOAT MAN. As he stepped through the door with his head held high, his hair swaying in the breeze, the smell of ghetto and primary schools wafting towards me, i thought this man is one to be reckoned with. Among the others of the downstairs floor (in order) were Ti, the bullshitter, the masturbator, A Kumar no wait Ashish K, the douche and one word. i will discuss the nicknames at a later date. Upstairs deviants include Big fat fucken wiley ( food stealer suspect #1), kylegoorlie, wake up jeff, the rat, tim, dan, tate the unit, Alex and Alco.
The semester was kicked off with little work and a large party. OKEGS. After starting off the night with funnels and goon skulls, boat races were held between the years. bentley got dominated. First years were placed in a large water fountain called the lamix. By this time a large quantity of beverages had been consumed. Holes and Fuzzes had been began to develop in my memory. now came the moment of truth. The pants came down for the nudie ( more of an undie run) run. I was wearing my best whites with holes and skidmarks in tow. As this was an athletic event i was wearing my streamline sneakers and my performance headband( i sweat excellence). The course was announced and i was off. 10m down the road and i was puffed. While catching my breath and witnessing someone spreading copious amounts of vomit on the sidewalk, i was inspired to carry on. Late into the race i was joined by the rat who missed the start due to rehydration. Upon running down hay st we were confronted by charming group of dark coloured woman who were keeping the pavement warm while sharing a cup of wine. "owwww sexy white boy, get me piece of that" the called to me, flattered as i was. By now the large hole in my grundies had proceeded to tear and i was now wearing a jockstrap. We finished the race a began looking for our clothes. I had heard of the clothes going missing and cleverly hidden my clothes. Rat on the other hand had left his on the ground. The clothes were flung upon roof. Rat proceeded to climb the roof and upon not finding his clothes, huddled himself into the foetal position and would not be coaxed down. I on the otherhand decided to play south African shotgun. A game of smashing beer cans on your head till they pop. I lost to say the least. Finally we made it to the pub. I about to purchase my first drink decided to turn to my left and spew instead. I was hustled home.
Many a week were wasted doin nothin but piss farting around. I worked on fridays and saturdays to pay the bills. While the others lived off my tax payments. In a hall full of males things acn get testy, mainly due to the pranks we played on each other. Goat received the first. On a weekender to Perth he failed to lock his window shut. After the purchase of beanbags a few beans were left over. We decided goat needed to come back to some snow in his room. We placed the beans in his room. Other pranks included good old meatspin, frozen cards, antiquing etc... Most of which goat entertained. An Esperance trip was had,I was not on this trip so i cant comment but i hear sum shenanigans were had.
Many nights were had involving alcohol. Usually goon (goat liked it cose it was cheap) and cheap beer. Many nights were also spent in goats room playing with goats mistress The Wii. Weeks of beating times and replaying levels and bosses were had instead of doin homework. Of course this came back to bite us in the arse. As we were up late at night we needed to stretch out legs so a maccas trip was often on the cards. We also enjoyed kickin the footy, of course like many enjoyable activities this was not allowed in the concentration camp. Our greatest mistake was kicking the footy at midnight with lights off the balcony that would rival the MCG (or so said the neighbours) A very angry fat fukn wiley told us to get inside. Little did we know the gastapo had informed Bitler and a written warning was given to all involved and to those not involved.
With all this horseplay the assignments were building up and continued until the day before they were due. Rat and Goat stayed up for a whole 2 days trying to work these assignments with great success.
Others in the hall were up to their usual, masturbator masturbating. douche RA ing, bullshitter bullshitting. Some new residents had caused quite a stir. Some Indians were knocking everyone off with their spices, Paul Snr adding a sense and maturity to the hall and Flic the only girl in the hall driving goat in a stir. After discovering the myriad of cameras and listening device goat had setup she regrettably moved out. After a few to many hamburgers goat had decided enough was enough and that we were to get fit, but it cant cost any money. Goat planned out his fitness regime. that included walking to macdonalds instead of driving. Goat also drop a few kg's of hair of his pubic region to try and drop the weight.
So all and all it was a good semester filled with laughs and good times. After semester i continued to work for 3 interesting weeks of freezing cold mornings. After that i had a week off were i flew to Exmouth with my GF to bask in the rich sunlight. I even got rid of my snowman glow. A week of boardies and a singlet was just what the doctor ordered. I went fishing, surfing, crabbing (no not that type of crabbing Goat), snorkling and generally lazing about. Goats idea of crabbing involves fishing Hay st for skanky cheap hookers. The holiday was fantastic but all too short. We boardered the car for the 2 day drive home. With a stop off in Kalbarri over night we saw the sights and watched in amazement at Jakes double overhead. The next day we continued on for Perth where we were greeted with cold.
Thats my story up until now. With many more to come every Sunday and possible guest appearances. What will await us for our next 6 months of adventure. To finish off Fuck you Cold!
